What's in a name?

Someone asked me the other day what the title of my novel was.

“The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance,” I replied.

“Wow! That’s a mouthful,” he frowned and walked away, clearly afraid that I would elaborate. (That day, someone also laughed at my use of an allegedly non-existent word: “unmown”. Clearly, it was not a great day for literature or the English language.)

Had the man not run away before I could have defended my title, here’s what I would have said.

I love phrases that stir up multiple meanings—not double entendres, but triple, even quadruple, entendres. A phrase that can be read simply for what it is or, if you’re so inclined, can be shredded into tinier bits of a greater whole, put back together, and leave your mind reeling with myriad images.

The three characters of “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” are imperfect personifications of the three mythological Graces, the handmaidens to Venus, who represent beauty, charm, and creativity.

Karin is physically beautiful, although she’s either unaware of it or doubts it altogether. She spends most of her energy exercising—in particular, running—to the point of exhaustion. This is how she copes with her regrets in life and then, later, the loss of her son. As she gets older and more embittered, she and her body become increasingly hardened to the world.

Trisha, on the other hand, charms everyone with her cooking—especially with her specialty: comfort food. She learns early on as a child that her baked goods appease the people around her but she partakes too much in her own delicacies in an attempt to comfort herself, as well. By the time she’s in her late thirties, her doctor has told her she’s pre-diabetic and a good candidate for heart disease if she doesn’t lose weight. Trisha has a hard time giving up the one thing she believes everyone loves her for and subconsciously refuses to lose the protective layer of fat that envelops her.

Alaina, the third of the main characters, studies photography at a fine art school after high school as she’s drawn to the creative expression of her camera, but ends up as an event photographer with her own business. Eventually, her creativity is stultified with repetitious wedding ceremonies, demanding clients, and rigid, predictable poses. Gradually, her profession feels more like commerce than creativity. She quits her photography business but is then plagued with boredom. When she picks up her camera again, she rediscovers her creative energy during her long morning walks, as though she has just noticed the landscape around her. It’s on one of these morning walks that she’s serendipitously reunited with her childhood friend, Karin.

So, although Karin, Trisha, and Alaina represent the graces of beauty, charm, and creativity, their graces are flawed by personal circumstances.

As for mercy, there’s the concept of God’s mercy—when God chooses to forgive instead of punish—as well as the grace of God—the bestowal of unmerited blessings, such as the salvation of sinners. The women are faced with the option of extending mercy upon the recipient of their intended act of vigilantism but ultimately—and without giving up too much of the ending—they’re spared much of the punishment that could have befallen them as a result of their sins, at least temporarily. Nonetheless, they start out—and end up—with the power to act mercifully toward themselves and others; however, the power to either forgive or punish will weigh on them for the rest of their lives.

Yes, I guess he was right. It is a mouthful.

Scientist Meets Fisherman

Two days into the experiment and, so far, I have the same result as the very first batch of query letters I sent out in February; that is, a response the next day for the whole manuscript.

So, expanding on the fishing analogy, it’s like there are two fishermen, both strapped in their respective boat seats for an afternoon of marlin fishing. One is encumbered with too much gear: his rod’s heavier than the other fisherman’s but not as strong, and his lifejacket is too bulky and chafes his armpits, leaving him uncomfortable and rigid. Using the same fishing line, hook, and bait, however, they both manage to get simultaneous bites from their trophy fish. Neither gets anything more than that one teasing nibble (although both get painfully sunburnt).

The encumbered one feels a bit smug because his equipment, as flawed as it is, got him the same results as his streamlined partner—who, of course, invested more in his lightweight gear. Still, since they’re friends, they know they’ll have a good story to tell their buddies back at the hotel bar even though they’re saddened to return home from their once-in-a-lifetime fishing trip empty-handed.

Suddenly, someone appears next to the men on the boat. He holds out his arms and, amazingly, a marlin jumps out of the water and right into the man’s embrace. Even more amazingly, the marlin looks at the stranger, as if to say, “Take me. I’m yours.”

So, in the end, it may not be the gear that matters. As long as you have a good hook, line, and sinker—even if they’re all made of weighty stuff—you should at least get a bite. What really counts is being able to take the fish home, stuff it, and hang it over your fireplace.

Hmm. I think something just got lost in that analogy…

The story makes me wonder, though: since I’ve got the same result as the first cast of query letters, I may have already assumed that I’ll end up with the same conclusion: empty-handedness. Or, more likely, it only feels that it would be utterly magical, if not impossible, for such a rarity to land so easily in my hands. It’s like magic dust that sparkles as it spills through your fingers.

Still, if you’re going to write a novel—and conduct science experiments—it’s good, if not intrinsically necessary, to believe in a little bit of magic.

A Science Experiment

I'm conducting an experiment. After revising the query letter, thanks to the feedback on the The Public Query Slushpile, I've come up with two letters: the long and the short.

I prefer the short version (being diminutive in stature, is it any wonder?) but some agents request a synopsis. Some also request sample chapters while others simply want a stellar sales pitch in a mere few sentences--something akin to an ol' one-two punch in the breadbox.

So here's my experiment: Having sent out 10 queries this morning (7 short, 3 long--two with sample chapters), let's see which version gets the better response rate...and if that response rate is any different than the original query.

If there's no difference, then so be it. I only have another 13 agents to research on my list. Of those, maybe half will get queries. And that'll be it for this mad scientist. Onto the next project--especially since the Petri dishes sitting on my brain's windowsill need attending to. It's time to get back to the other project before the mould permanently sets in.

Although I do wonder...if the blogging public could help me so proficiently with my query letter, I wonder if there's a critiquing blog for sample chapters? Hmmm...

Which reminds me, I still have to post some sample chapters here. Maybe next time...

The Full Meal Query Letter: A.K.A. “The Hook, Line & Sinker”

Dear [Agent],

Three childhood friends, now mothers in their late thirties, commit an act of vigilantism against a complete stranger when they become convinced he has abused his stepdaughter and murdered his wife. The three women are swept up by their newfound sense of control and power while they plot against the man, but their so-called “perfect plan” goes terribly awry during execution and they discover, only when it’s too late, that they didn’t know all the facts. Thanks also to their late night activities in a stolen van, the women unwittingly become suspects in a separate murder investigation of a police informant and find out how tenuous their beliefs—and their relationships with one another—have been.

In the end, the man at the center of the women’s vigilantism has a history and identity that none of the women could have ever imagined.

The story starts with Karin, Alaina, and Trisha as children. When they reunite decades later, Karin grieves the death of her only child in a car accident in which her husband was driving in the direction toward his mistress’ house. Trisha confronts childhood traumas involving an alcoholic mother, a father she has never met, molestation by her grandfather, and the regret of giving her baby up for adoption when she was a teenager. Alaina struggles with the guilt of her past failure to speak out against her adopted father’s sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the secret and questionable paternity of her oldest child.

After Alaina’s son reveals that one of his classmates has run away from home because of the horrific deeds of her stepfather, the women’s weekly “girls’ night out” takes on a whole new and tragic misplacement of energy.

THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE, complete at 84,500 words, is commercial women's fiction set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada.

Although I am an unpublished novelist, I spent several years writing investigative reports on the professional and personal misconduct of lawyers. I also have a degree in English literature from the University of Victoria.

I'd be more than happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Abridged Query Letter: A.K.A. “The Hook”

Dear [Agent],

"Girls' night out" takes on new meaning when three thirty-something mothers turn to vigilantism to escape the pain of their lives.

Childhood friends Karin, Alaina, and Trisha struggle with guilt and grief until they get swept up in a newfound sense of control and power while they plot an act of vigilantism against a complete stranger. When their so-called “perfect plan” goes awry during execution and they inadvertently become suspects in a separate murder investigation of a police informant, the women find out how tenuous their beliefs—and their relationships with one another—have been. Only when it’s too late do they discover that they didn’t know all the facts about the stranger before they took the law in their own hands but, in the end, the man at the center of their misguided plot has a history and identity that no one could have ever imagined.

THE GRACES OF MERCY & CIRCUMSTANCE, complete at 84,500 words, is commercial women's fiction set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada.

Although I am an unpublished novelist, I spent several years writing investigative reports on the professional and personal misconduct of lawyers. I also have a degree in English literature from the University of Victoria.

I'd be more than happy to send you my complete manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.

The Kindness of Strangers

Thank God for it! Turns out my friends are too afraid to tell me what shite my query letter is but, luckily, the post on The Public Query Slushpile garnered very useful critiques from people I've never met (but would love to buy them a round).

So, after several hours of re-working the letter based on the sage advice of an objective (and no doubt well-read) audience, I posted draft 2. Don't be shy, people. Tell me it still sucks. I can take it. And if you're afraid of the size of my well-developed, Eastern European biceps, you can post a comment anonymously...