Oh, and since I love the whole soliloquy, here it is:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
Hi Kat! Thank you for your comments on my query. I struggle with writing them, but I hope I can offer some insightful comments about yours.
ReplyDelete"I have recently completed an 83,000-word novel that is difficult to categorize within a single genre. It is both a crime novel and a psychological study, while a good portion could be classified as women’s literature if it wasn’t decidedly bereft of romantic themes—although it does contain ample examples of human absurdities. From your profile on [your agency website/Publisher's Marketplace/etc.], I believe the manuscript is compatible with your other clients’ novels and may interest you. The working title is “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance”."
I'm usually not against putting this type of information in a query, but I think that your lack of a specific genre may put your agent off. Either narrow it down to a quick phrase or leave this until the end. Your goal is to grab them with a HOOK, so either way I suggest moving it.
Also, make sure that, when you customize this for individual agents, you are listing specific novels from the agents and in which way you connect with theirs.
"To sum up the plot, “The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is about three childhood friends who reunite decades later when they’re mothers and housewives facing unimaginable grief (the death of a child), unspeakable childhood traumas (an alcoholic mother, an absent father, molestation, and teenage pregnancy), and past lies (failure to speak out against an adopted father who was engaged in the sexual abuse of boys and, then later, the questionable paternity of her oldest child)."
Oh, wow. No, no, no. This sounds like back story and is very descriptive. Introduce names and make it ongoing action: "X witnessed her father engage in the sexual abuse of boys, which forever left her scarred and unable to love a man. ... It is when X, Y, and Z are hanging by the threads of sanity does salvation come their way." Something that ties things up, starting from the beginning.
"When the women reunite, they find themselves suddenly pushing 40 and lose themselves, almost inadvertently, in a world of vigilantism during “girls’ night out”."
Be more specific about the vigilantism. Like, tell us what the act of violence is. Also, "40" should be spelled out ("forty").
"The man who inspires them to commit an unexpected act of violence represents, in various ways and somewhat subconsciously, something in each of the women’s pasts where their inaction caused their current regret or pain."
This isn't necessary. It doesn't really give us much about the plot. Catch the attention with the main conflicts, not really the back story of those conflicts.
"But, what they don’t realize until it is too late is that the man isn’t who they think he is and their so-called perfect plan to find strength in numbers and empowerment in action may, in fact, rip their worlds and friendship apart."
This is okay. Be more concise, though.
"“The Graces of Mercy and Circumstance” is my first novel and is set within small towns in British Columbia, Canada."
This would be the place to specify your genre. You need a word count. And don't mention it's your first novel.
"I chose this setting not only because of my life-long familiarity with the landscape but also because of an entrenched fascination with all the trouble so-called “average” people get themselves in while living in an idyllic, and perhaps a tad bit too serene, environment."
No, no, no. We're looking for your credentials instead--what experience have you had with writing? Otherwise, leave this out and rely on your story.
"I'd be glad to send you my complete manuscript for your review."
This is okay.
"Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon."
Cut out the second half of this sentence.
Hopefully that helps. Cut down the story--they say that you should have caught the agent's attention using no more than a three-sentence hook.
Overall, I like the premise of the story, but as an agent I would be wary to ask for more because you're not specific enough. Show us how your story is unique.
Cheers!
Thanks so much for taking the time for reviewing the letter and sharing your insightful comments. I think our approaches to queries may differ somewhat, but you've left me with much to ponder...and, better still, ideas to improve the letter. From one Slav to another, dziękują (or hvala as my folks say)!
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